One With The Inner Me By Santino Suarez

Another second, another minute

Another hour, another day

Another week, another year

Another time to be with myself

What does it mean to be with myself?

Does being alone count? Then, yes

Does being in my comfort zone count? Then, yes as well

Okay, then I am with myself

Huh? But I do not feel like it?

I do not feel that I am actually with myself

NorI do not even bother to even pause for a moment and say “I am doing great”

I mean how could I?

Life has its own pace

And I am caught up in it too much

I promise that everything is going great

But I still go back to the beginning of where it all began

What is the importance of being with myself?

Nothing will change

I’ll still feel a lot

That I struggle to express

Well, I guess I got to start somewhere

How will I even know how to be with myself if I do not start anything?

Here is an idea, why do I not talk to myself?

How about I ask myself how am I?

I ask myself, “How are you?”

To that I say, “Fine, I guess”

But is it really fine?

Or did I just ignore my own attempt in opening up to myself?

I ask myself another question, “What do I feel?”

Huh? Seems like a difficult question on its own

Well, I know I am not losing my mind

It’s just… I feel a lot, you know? 

I feel perfectly fine

But, somehow, there is still this curiousness inside

Telling me that something is wrong

Is it just me or am I telling myself I am not okay as I seem to be?

To be honest, It all began with the past

Past battles I could not fight

Past challenges I could not face

Past problems I could not solve

I mean how can someone like me begin to even process all of those

I thought life just goes on

I go through problem after problem expecting that I will be okay

But, truthfully, I am not

It hurts

It breaks my heart

It pushes me to my breaking point

Knowing I could have done more but ended up lost

I was looking for direction

Looking for which way to turn

But it led to dead ends

I wanted more, at the expense of myself

What is wrong with me?

What am I doing?

I thought I had it all figured out

Is this why they say that when you lose yourself, you lose everything?

You lose your sense of purpose

You lose your connections with people

You lose your desire to dream and pursue what you want

You lose your passion to go forward

Deep breaths.

Breathe in, woooo

Breathe out, ahhhh

Let me rethink

Let me calm down before I say anything that I do not mean to say

Never mind what people have to say about me getting a hold of my life

I move at my own pace, my own time

I move when I want to and think what I have to do when I am ready

Seems easy enough, I guess?

You know? Thinking, reflecting, and realizing?

I mean it will not be the easiest process but it is something

Something that will help me heal from my soft battles

Another second, another minute

Another hour, another day

Another week, another year

Another chance to connect with my inner me

As silence fills the room,

I find myself at peace

I find myself in comfort

I find myself in control

Ready to think

Ready to reflect

Ready to realize

Phew, last thing to do is actually talk to myself

“Hey self, how are we?”

Not the most natural way of talking to myself but it will do

I guess it is time to be honest then 

Once and for all, what do I feel?

I feel a lot, to be honest

There are battles I cannot seem to fight

There are challenges I cannot seem to face

There are problems I cannot seem to solve

Slowly giving up if I am going to be honest

However, this time, I think I will choose to move on slowly from my past

And recognize and accept what I should let go of

Instead of lingering on what could have been or what could have happened

Learning to be in control of situations I can control

Persevering to take one day at a time

Putting my own needs first

Are those not the greatest achievements of all?

I guess so…

I mean I have never recognized it since life has been really fast lately

I never have time to pause, think, and reflect

So this is a good opportunity for me to start doing so

Maybe that is why I need to open up to myself

So I have the courage to fight my own battles,

So I remain strong as I face my challenges,

And so I do not lose hope as I solve my problems

I need to tell myself to let go of things or people that are in the way of my growth

Realize the importance of constantly checking-up on myself

Take time to process all my feelings and realizations

I need to start change for me

So this is what it means to be with the inner me?

Thought it would be difficult, but those doubts have faded 

Was never easy and it will never be easy

Despite that, it is not impossible

I just want to take this opportunity to thank myself for believing in me

I hope that I will finally achieve inner peace and comfort soon

Though the journey is long, I know I can do it

I am with me, more importantly, I am with the inner me