Family: Forming Bonds Through Communication | By Alexandra Elicano
Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.
This is a famous line from the 2002 movie, Lilo and Stitch, which revolved around the concept of family. Traditionally, family is defined as a group of people, particularly parents and children, living together in a household. Similar to other Asian countries, the Philippines values deep family ties and relations, which can be traced back to the Spanish era where family-based teachings emerged from the reinforcement of Christian values. Due to this, we developed a collectivistic culture that manifests in our long-term commitment and loyalty to our family—taking care of old family members, maintaining a certain reputation passed from generations, paying respects, and more.
Evolution of families: The emergence of new family types and modern-day struggles
As society is constantly evolving, families have also undergone significant adjustments. According to Nam (2004), societal changes have contributed to an abrupt increase in childless families, one-parent families, adoptive families, stepfamilies, and families headed by same-sex and transgender parents. This is also evident in the Philippine setting in which the idea of a nuclear family with heterosexual parents is being challenged (Angsioco, 2014). Moreover, in many cases, a Filipino household also consists of extended families (other relatives such as grandparents, in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins, and etc.). While some studies deem it beneficial to our psychological well-being, it may also bear negative consequences.
When a household becomes more populated, views and opinions become more diverse, thus making clashes inevitable at some point. Most begin with a simple misunderstanding which eventually turns into fights that may damage the relationship permanently. According to The Hays Daily News (2016), family conflicts are commonly caused by the following:
Family stages;
Changes in family situations;
Changes in needs, values, and opinions;
Disagreements about type of child discipline;
Sibling rivalry; and
Intrusive family members (especially those from extended and blended families)
Relationship-building: The role of communication in bond formation
In a world full of social beings, I believe that there is a way for us to fathom, resolve, or even prevent such predicaments—through communication. As a significant part of our lives, it holds the power in making or breaking relationships. It helps us express ourselves, and at the same time, understand the other person-in-relationship. Communication may also be categorized as effective or ineffective, depending on the way a member of the family apprehends and conveys messages. If it succeeds, a stronger bond would be formed and conversely, if it fails, disagreements and problems may arise.
One common example of which is mutedness in a household. Based on Cheris Kramarae’s Muted Group Theory, members of marginalized or low-power groups are muted in public discourse in which they cannot say what they want to say when and where they want to. This may also apply to families, especially when the power dynamics at home are observed. Oftentimes, the adults control everything in the house; how the members should act, think, and talk. This results in the mutedness of the youth in a household.
On the other hand, good communication may result in stronger bonds with other individuals and cohesiveness in groups. Just like what others commonly say, “Communication is key to a good relationship.” In a familial context, its significance can be seen through various aspects; operationalization of family functions, effective communication gained through feedback, identification, and satisfaction of needs, and establishment and maintenance of relationships between parents and their children (Runcan, Constantineanu, Ielics, & Popa, 2012). Therefore, communication plays an essential role in the relationship-building of families.
Effective communication: A quick guide in expressing oneself clearly
According to HelpGuide, to do this, one must first be an engaged listener. This aids in fully understanding the information being conveyed, and at the same time, the emotions of the other person. Through this, deeper connections may be formed. Second, one must observe nonverbal signals which include eye contact, gestures, facial expressions, and more. This helps not only in deciphering messages but also in sending them wherein emphasis and affirmation are given. Lastly, one must learn to assert oneself. Without being disrespectful and inconsiderate of others' opinions, a person must be able to express him/herself as clearly and honestly as possible. This way a perfect balance in a relationship can be established.
It could get tough at times; opening up to one’s family, but it does not mean we should just give up. After all, they are still family, people whom we share a deep connection with. And besides, family does not have to be limited by blood. It could be with friends, classmates, orgmates, work colleagues, or anyone we hold dear. What matters is the love we share in a relationship.