Love, What’s Your Language? | by Adi Fernandez & Elisha Peji

When it comes to Valentine’s Day, it can be accompanied by any of these feelings: excitement, hope, indifference, or dread. It’s a holiday that’s all about love; so why should it be less than joyful? 

Movies, TV shows, music, and advertisements use the concepts of romance and Valentines excessively. They can glorify an idealization of love and it sticks in our heads as we grow up, no matter what attitude we as individuals develop towards it. This can put a lot of pressure on people to have romantic dates on Valentine’s day (or all year round). Besides that, there is also a lot of pressure to give your loved one an extravagant gift; whether it be vacations, grand dinners, or expensive material things. So, Valentine’s Day itself can be very upsetting or sad when you feel like you’re not reaching this standard. But Valentine’s day is all about love, right? Therefore, all kinds of love should be included on this day.

No matter who you’ve planned this day for, it’s important to value yourself too. You must give yourself credit for all your accomplishments, no matter how small. So, alongside our partners, friends, and family, we must remember to give to ourselves.

With that being said, these gifts can be given in many different forms. We are all unique, so it goes without saying that we all express and receive love in different ways. A perfect way to figure out your and others’ preferences is familiarizing yourself with the 5 love languages! Here is the list of love languages, their definitions, and ideas on how to express each one during the pandemic. We've also interviewed people with a variety of love languages to get their insights and perspectives!

First, of the five, there are words of affirmation. People who value words of affirmation feel loved and secure when they are reassured with words. The “I love you”(s), compliments, and encouragement can really create an impact! Writing them a letter, a poem and/or a song are some ways that you can go that extra mile to show your love and affection. Sending them a text and/or giving them a call are additional ways to make them feel appreciated.

One person has stated that she feels that this love language is special because of its simplicity, yet it still has a lasting impact. Words have the ability to reassure people, even if the person who said it isn’t physically present. It also doesn’t cost a lot like gifts, and people who don’t feel comfortable with physical touch can also appreciate this gift. “I would appreciate for this person (a loved one) to be there to reassure me when I’m in doubt,” she said, after being asked what she would appreciate from someone she loved.

Second, of the five, we have acts of service. Unlike the former, people who value acts of service appreciate things being done for them like chores and errands. “I really like keeping myself busy and it makes me really happy and fulfilled when I get to channel my energy into making someone something to make them happy… and I like being the receiver of that too.” The interviewee said.  They also enjoy when you volunteer to help them with a task they’re trying to accomplish. You can do chores for your family members, cook food and help your friends study! All of these will not go unnoticed by your loved ones who prefer this love language. “Showing your intention through an act is enough too.” The person continues. “You don’t have to explicitly say something sentimental but the fact that you remember me enough to do something is already super appreciated.”

The third of the five is quality time. This is the love language of those who value the time spent with their loved ones the most. They get the most fulfillment from having you around. Whether they are doing something fun or special, working by themselves, or just relaxing, it’s the company that matters. One person mentioned that “When you are in a room– or nowadays, a call– with someone you love, and you have all these conversations, and you can just feel joy and safety with them present, you feel so content. You wouldn’t want anything more.” These people would love for you to plan a movie night with them, or a listening party for their favorite playlist. If they need to get tasks or errands done, offer to accompany them. During a date with loved ones, it is important to remember that the point of “quality” time is to make sure you are devoting your attention to them. Ignore notifications that aren’t urgent, and be fully present. As for time spent for yourself, drop everything and let yourself breathe. Blast music, get lost in a book, or splurge on your favorite food, as long as you can bask in your own energy.

Fourth of the five, it’s physical touch! For these people, appropriate touch is what really speaks to them. Hugs, holding hands, or any form of comfortable touch means a lot to them. Because of the pandemic, many people with this love language are having a hard time. So, if you know anyone who you can visit or who you’re currently with right now, don’t be afraid to give them a hug! If you’re someone with this love language, feel free to ask for a hug from the people around you, or give your pet or stuffed animal a hug. It may not seem like a lot, and it’s definitely not the same, but maybe it can ease the lack of physical contact even just for a little bit 

According to one person, this love language often gets a bad connotation since being too close to someone can be deemed negative. Despite this, it’s very special to him because it’s what gives him comfort every day. “It’s very nice to be wrapped around the arms of someone you love,” he said, describing the meaning of his love language to him. He also enjoys it because he likes the company of other people. For him, it is one of the more honest and genuine love languages since action and intimacy are harder to feign. Hugs are something that he would appreciate from a loved one, especially during the pandemic.

Last, but not least of the five, is receiving gifts. People who value this love language feel loved whenever they receive gifts. They may also like to show their love for other people by giving them gifts. To win the hearts of the people with this love language, you can order/make them food and deliver it to them, make handmade gifts or buy from online stores. There’s a variety of options out there, so feel free to be creative. If you can drop them off yourself, that will be much better ! You can be part of the gift!

This person also likes to give gifts, and she describes the act as saying “I saw something you like, so I bought it for you.” A gift can have so much meaning, and so much thought can be put into it, so efforts won’t go unnoticed by someone with this love language. “I enjoy making them happy because I know they’ll like it,” she said, after being asked what she enjoyed about her love language. She also said that she’d like to go on cute and fun dates with the people she loves and that a handwritten letter is something she’d like to receive since words also make her feel loved.

Knowing your own love language as well as others’ can strengthen self-love and bonds with others. The love languages really help you understand what a person needs, wants, and appreciates. Because of this, you just become generally happier because you can cater to what’s best for you and other people. Truly a win-win! So, take this opportunity to get to know yourself and the people you love. Take time to think for yourself, express yourself, and have this conversation with your loved ones. Everyone deserves a happy Valentine’s day, no matter who and how they love. 

Adi: Sending love from TD!

Eisha: I love you Adi

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