Perfection in them | By: Teresa De Los Reyes

Before I met you, I was fine. 

I knew who I was,

How I dressed,

How I acted,

How I spoke,

What I liked to eat, 

The way my hands moved when I walked,

All the mundane and small things, I knew.

I knew my fundamental truths. 

I was sure of it. 

Then, it shifted

Like everything I knew came crumbling down.

Who was I?

How do I dress now?

How do I act?

What do I like to eat? 

Is this how I move my hands when I walk? 

Why don’t I know anymore? 

But I knew when it started.

It was when I saw you.

When I learned about your existence, my whole existence changed to. 

What did I see in you to change my fundamental truths? 

Maybe it was the perfection in you

Maybe it was how people’s eyes were drawn to you when you walked into a room

Maybe it was the endless talent you had

Maybe it was how you could do anything and it was easy for you

Maybe it was how you dressed, talked and walked.

It was everything that I wanted to be

The aura,

The vibrance,

The attitude,

The persona. 

It was all you.

So I changed.

I changed the way I acted.

Bought the same things you did

Followed you on social media

Followed your hand gestures,

Your mannerisms, 

The way you smiled,

Laughed, 

Ate, 

Project yourself. 

I knew you better than I knew me

But then it wasn’t enough.

I wasn’t seeing what I wanted to see.

I didn’t see you in the mirror, I saw me. 

I was frustrated

Why didn’t it work? 

Why was I still me? 

Why couldn’t I be you? 

You were perfect

The cookie cutter definition

So why is it that no matter how hard I tried to push myself into the mold, I could never fit